Christmas 2.0

You are invited to participate in a bold new concept in Christmas giving. It is the result of years of painstaking research and field testing. Now the beta process for what we're conservatively calling "Christmas 2.0" is open for a public beta.

The Christmas 2.0 concept allows users to leverage their own interests into a gesture of good will towards fellow man. Christmas 2.0 user groups will exist to allow an individual to purchase an item and locate other users who desire that same item. The user group will create what is called a 'giving circle' and match each 'giver' with a recipient. Once each user has purchased the item, they are given the name of another user and their name will be passed to another user. Each of these users has symbolically 'given' a gift to another user in the group but at a net savings due to removing the cost of wrapping and shipping the item. Overall, it's estimated that each user reduces their carbon footprint for the season significantly, while also getting each participant what they really wanted.

Our initial user group will be focused upon the game Call of Duty 4. To enhance the ecologial upside of reducing resource consumption, it is advised that all users purchase said item on Steam. To keep with the spirit of the season, please do not forget to send a note of thanks to your assigned giver for the generous gift. Once the giving circle is closed to new users, a regular group gaming session can be scheduled.

Thank you for participating in this bold new step forward in the field of gift giving!

THE FUTURE IS NOW!

(translation - who all wants to buy call of duty 4 for themselves and claim somebody got it for them?)

Wii Zapper

Picked up the Wii Zapper with Link's Crossbow Training a couple weeks ago. Definitely worth 20 bucks. This isn't necessarily because the Zapper is a perfect thing, but as a package with the game it's a must buy. The all in one design with the nunchuk attached isn't comfortable to hold for a long time. I would much prefer a pistol style, especially for games like Ghost Squad that don't really require the nunchuk. Link's Crossbow Training, on the other hand, is a tight shooting game. Each level is divided into three segments changing the method of getting around the state. Sometimes all targets appear within the frame, others allow you to rotate in place to find targets, while the third mode lets you roam with the nunchuk to clear a level of enemies. The key is in stringing together consecutive hits to get high multipliers for gold and platinum level performances. Quite good.

The other game I picked up at the same time was a pretty good deal for $30 - Ghost Squad. I recall playing this in the arcades before. You wouldn't think that there would be much replayability, as the three levels only take about half an hour to complete. However, every time you complete a level successfully, you unlock a more difficult runthrough of that level. In addition you unlock many different weapons with different spread fires or penetration abilities. Combined, we get a game that my non-gamer wife will actually play through in co-op with me. She says she prefers this one to Link because when you're playing co-op it doesn't matter if you're playing well, so long as you have another person playing. Link, on the other hand will let you know that your score isn't quite up to snuff, as you need to get a medal in order to unlock the next level and combo runs are the only way to do that.

Overall, I really enjoy the zapper games and feel that the odds of my buying more co-op shooting games in the future are very very good. I may even snag a single player one for myself.

Three stinkers and a redemption

3 days for the weekend, three movies. Three wastes of time but a redemption on the third.

First off was Friday with The Golden Compass. Bleh. Lauren gobbled up all three of the books in the series in the course of a week and she loved them. I had avoided them to see how the movie seemed without. I still somehow managed to have a moment watching the movie where I really thought to myself "Man, the book was way better than this.." before I managed to catch the fact that I hadn't even tried them.. I don't think it's too promising that we showed up after the movie was supposed to start and had no problems finding a seat in the middle of the theater.

Overall - No context for story in the movie - everything seemed a little arbitrary in the plot, and the compass is a little too convenient. Why did they need the 'prophecy' if the kid could justify her own ability to divine the future, etc., etc. I don't see there being enough interest to justify a second film.

Saturday night - Battlestar Galactica - Razor

Honestly, this tv/straight to dvd movie put me to sleep. Apollo is boring when he's in charge. His angst and apathy are uninteresting to the extreme. This story takes place on the Pegasus - which by necessity places the story before the first chunk of season 3. It introduces a character that Admiral Cain had groomed to be some kind of super hardass in her own image. I really fell asleep before the character development kicked in - I probably made it through about an hour of unimaginative showings of all the past events on the Pegasus referred to verbally by characters. Apparently the second half of the movie actually has something interesting about the Cylon efforts to create biological versions of themselves and surviving remnants. I'll check it out some other time when I've got a little more gas left in the tank.

Sunday night - Transformers

To be honest, this is a god awful movie. I saw it in the theater and I wanted that time in my life back. What really made it all better was picking up the Rifftrax commentary. It was done by some of the MST3k guys and it really made the movie a bit more palatable. I'm definitely going to be buying some more of the commentaries for some of the movies that I already own.

http://ongopongo.com/maps/chicago/chicago-area-pinball-locator

Explanation later.

What a stupendous thing.

A lego factory that assembles lego cars.

We're in trouble when it can start assembling itself.

Jim Cramer brings it again.

Best line I've read all day

"You were once shoved head first through someone's vagina. Why are you acting so dignified?"

Baby's got a media bomb.

Transformers - Could have been much worse. If they had worked on the script as much as the effects you might have had something. Turn your brain off at the door and you'll be better off.

Simpsons Movie - If you like the Simpsons, you like the Simpsons. This is written by a cast of dozens but tied together by the hands down best Simpsons writer - David Silverman(if i'm thinking of the right guy..). It's essentially a long episode. It's got some good laughs, there are very noticeable uses of the Futurama style 3-D rendering, and I ultimately felt like I spent my money well. If you make a drinking game out of taking a drink every time a different/new Springfield resident comes on screen you will die.

A Night at the Museum - Nice movie, good casting, should be top of the list if you've got kids and you're looking for a movie night.

The Unit - Not actually a movie, but I watched the first disc on Saturday. The first episode is what they would be showing on Lifetime if the network was actually for special forces personnel with a dash of desperate housewives on the homefront. It improved immeasurably by episode 4 - not sure if it's just me getting used to the style and characters, but I'll definitely watch another disc of it.

Twinkle Star Sprites - Also not a movie, but actually the deepest 1v1 puzzle shooting game out there. I think we played this for about 2 hours Friday. If you don't have Gametap, check it out.

Pescado apocalypse

I dunno what's going on with the fish tank these days.

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I had a fish jump out of the tank. Dumb bastard jumped the back side, slid down the wall, and ended up under the old dresser I've got the tank on. Sean was able to get his hand under there with a net to drag him out. He was covered in dust, but we dropped him back in and he seems fine today. He probably spent about 90 seconds sucking air. This was one of the blue Frontosas, but the smallest in the tank. Always getting beat up on..

In the same tank today Lauren noticed that Fester wasn't looking so hot. Firstly she was actually out and about instead of hiding and giving us all the evil eye. Secondly, she was huffing and puffing and kind of floating at a funky angle. An hour later I turn my head from the computer and I'm treated to the sight of Fester now on her back at the bottom of the tank, guts already all eaten out by the others. I really can't believe how fast they chowed down.

So that's 2 deaths this year so far and one attempted suicide. The first one, earlier this year, seemed pretty random. One of the yellow labs had his back half eaten off before I got home from work. Fester was probably pretty old, so that made some sense. Fish wasn't right in the head anyway. Hopefully this lower tank population means a bit more calm and the Frontosas being able to grow a bit better.

Maybe I need to arrange for.. accidents.. to happen to the half breeds now.

There is a disturbance in the Force.

I can't believe it.

Seriously.

What the hell just happened?

I went to a new place to get my hair cut.

I described how I like it to the guy.

He's an older guy who's been cutting hair for 31 years on Oak Park Avenue here in Oak Park.

He gave me a great haircut. He didn't try to strike up a conversation during the cut. He was to the point when we did talk.

I put my glasses on and it looked exactly like I wanted.

Then it only cost $16.

This has never happened. I've gone up to FOUR YEARS without a haircut in the past because I'm never happy.

This guy is guaranteed my money until he goes out of business.

The magic of Wrigley.

The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field are wonderful.

New Comiskey/U.S. Cellular Field is pretty good.

Miller Park is definitely better than U.S. Cellular.

But the way that the latter two are completely owned by Wrigley is in something so simple as the bathrooms. If you go to the Cell or Miller and you're sampling their profit beverages, you will be required to hit the washrooms. You get to the facilities in either of those parks and you're stuck in line for a urinal. Stuck in line like a common woman! Lines should not exist in men's rooms! Blasphemy! Also, this line jockeying foments great conflict between the fans of the home and the visiting teams. I've seen multiple fights breaking out like grade school as dickery of many kinds surface.

The one true urinating experience is the one you can only get at Wrigley - the trough. The trough is the urinal equivalent of a bag of holding - it holds an unlimited number of men. NO LINE. That is valuable sitting time that I am conserving for the game itself. Also, there's nothing like a crowd of men standing around, holding their junk, chanting out LET'S GO CUBBIES!

Thankfully I've never seen an incident like below. I shudder at the idea..

Razor vs. chicken.

Occams's Razor..

"All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one."

Oh how I love thee.

What a lovely thing to pop out into arguments as a last ditch effort.

It seems like there should be an alternate version which I am provisionally titling "Occam's rubber chicken."

"All things being equal, the funniest solution tends to be the best one."

This will be most useful as a hail mary when some ridiculous story of mine is heading south - I can invoke the power of Occam to back my ass up. It'll totally work.

My first million.

I've decided that I can make my first million dollars selling bumper stickers that say "You're not a dog, so get off my ass."

Alternatively, Calvin peeing on a ribbon.

Either one of those should do it.

Nostalgiaiaia

Managed to watch the Reno 911! movie before Blockbuster demanded it back..

I never thought I'd find myself reminiscing about how much better the Police Academy movies were than this. I guess it helped that I was under 12 at the point that I watched most of them.

Favorite scene - when the mousy officer begged Lt. Dangle for some pity sex and he proceeds to chug his half bottle of Jack, proceeding to fail at breaking it on the wall. Also, the stylized next door sex scene that they implied was the same couple until they notice the camera and drive them away.

What I really want is a Viva Variety movie. Now Mr. and (the former)Mrs. Laupin(the same actors as the scene above) are a couple that probably had extremely stylized sex..

Bonus trivia - the actor for Lt. Dangle went to Oak Park and River Forest high School.

Sure, I'd like to be the biggest stud in the universe.. But the job is already taken by this guy..

I thought he was crazy, but not this crazy..

I <3 big balls.

A Martha Stewart Moment

If you're having problems with the cats fishing your q-tips out of the trash as toys you can add a little class to your bathroom by using an empty wine bottle to drop them in. I recommend House Wine for the asthetics, but adjust to fit your decor.

If you're feeling a little less classy, you can use an empty beer bottle.

Naming

Is it weird to have a cat named after a peanut butter and a cat named as a starship captain?

Movie Drought

It's been a pretty big drought for moviewatching for me lately. I was stuck with the "do I really want to watch this? maybe next week," trifecta. Inside Man, Moog, and Inconvenient Truth.

I've heard Inside Man was good, but just couldn't work my way up to watching it. So I turned it in for my family to rent Night at the Museum. I was sick in bed so didn't see it.

Moog is a documentary on the guy who made the original synthesizer. It was neat but not something you really sit down with a few beers in front of. Took a while to mail that one back..

Inconvenient Truth I just couldn't bring myself to watch. I was so angry with Michael Moore after Bowling for Columbine with his selective use of facts and creating outright fictions that I couldn't take another *potentially* politically tainted agenda. Traded that one in for Science of Sleep, which is sitting next to the TV now.

I did see Spider-Man 3.. The trailer was a lot cooler than this movie. I'd have to say it's the most comic-booky of the three. No real plot line but all kinds of classic Marvel coincidences, conveniences, and soap opera mentalities. They should have just planned for a Spider-Man 4, given him the black suit this movie in a less Deus Ex kinda way, and had him be a dick until the next movie. Also, some of the characterizations seemed dumb. In House of M Spidey so couldn't deal with being adored by the public that he sabotaged his own dream life and faked his own death to get away from his self destructive streak. It just didn't feel like he would have gone to that Spider-Man parade and put all those people in danger. Did it help that there were zero creative uses of powers? No. Also, CGI has stopped impressing me when it feels like I could be playing a video game at home and have the same feeling. Blah.

I did see the trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean 3 and it was the best trailer I've seen since the Spider-Man 3 trailer. It's prompted me to at least rent the second movie - it'll be in my mailbox today. I can only hope they don't pull any BS editing like they did with Matrix 2. If I had a wishlist of people I could perform horrible acts of retribution upon, the editor of that movie would have a prominent position. Nobody needs a 10 minute sequence of a hippie rave and Keanu Reeves and another dude having sex.

Also, Idiocracy is on the way and I've got Little Miss Sunshine next to my TV. I don't expect much from Idiocracy, but it feels like one I would normally see.

THE END?

This is a pretty slick BBC production. It's kind of a rundown on different doomsday scenarios and how they would change your last day on earth.

Taken from the latest cubs.com mailbag.

I was at the Cubs-Cardinals games on April 27-28, cheering on the Cubs, and my seats were right next to the Cubs' bullpen. I noticed one of the Cubs pitchers had a pink Strawberry Shortcake backpack. Do you know whose backpack that is, and the significance?
-- Caleb W., St. Louis, Mo.

The backpack is loaded with bullpen essentials, such as gum and candy, and is carried by whoever is the youngest member, which, in the Cubs' situation, is Rocky Cherry.

Steve Carrell - Professional Hockey Spokesman

THOUSANDS OF FAMILIES ARE AFFECTED BY IDENTITY THEFT A YEAR

Will Ferrell double whammy - Anchorman + 300 + Chihuahuas

Well done. I don't know how it ranks compared to the Pokemon one, but I think I'd rather see either than the real 300.

Also, this

Hunter S. Thompson + Conan O'Brien + Whiskey + Heavy Weapons

Hunter S. Thompson refused to come into the studio for Conan O'Brien to interview him about his book. He did, however, agree to meet at a remote farm, get liquored up, and unload a lot of lead on a few copies.

Movie Madness

I can't even remember how many movies I've seen in the last few weeks..

I'm finishing Poseidon right now, which fits the "ok to rent and watch on my own while Lauren does real work and she'll never want to see." It was surprisingly graphic and seemed a damn sight more watchable than the original. Now I just need them to remake the Towering Inferno.. Good popcorn action and good effects - aside from that unredeemable.

Stranger Than Fiction - Will Ferrell does a good job as the straight man(a good Arthur Dent type character) in a ridiculous situation. Ferrell is the character in a book, but he doesn't realize it until he starts hearing the voice of his narrator. Unfortunately his author only writes novels in which the protagonists suffer horrible deaths. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie until the end, which was probably about as satisfying as the end of the novel Ferrell's character was in - Death & Taxes. Excellent graphical touches in the first half. Also, Maggie Gyllenhal is cute as hell.

I pulled the theater double feature with Blades of Glory and 300.

-Blades of Glory didn't feel quite as hilarious as Talladega Nights, but I also wasn't a pitcher of beer deep when I saw it. Surprisingly less gay innuendo than Talladega. You'd think it'd be the other way 'round. Good fun, not necessary to see in the theater.

- 300 was graphically impressive, but it ended up being kind of boring and you only once got the impression there were actually 300 Spartans. That'll happen when you stretch a 4 issue comic to 2 hours or so. Very nice slo-mo action, though. Best since the lobby scene of the original Matrix.

- Between those two, the most enjoyable thing of the night was the first trailer for Spider-Man 3 I had seen. I think I wet myself with excitement. So impressed with just a few minutes of movie..

School for Scoundrels was just a little bit better than Dodgeball. Translated - It sucked a lot, but there are things that suck more. Jon Heder falls into the Ricky Gervais school of acting - which is to say they don't act, they just get in front of the camera and act like themselves. Once again, the "Lauren really doesn't mind missing this movie" law.

The Descent - Spelunking Horror. Just didn't feel this movie. It was a little like Cube in that I didn't care about any of the characters dying. Picture the filmmakers saying "what if we did Blair Witch meets Gollum except there's a hundred Gollums?" That's pretty much it. It's kind of cool to view it thinking that one of the characters is insane and actually killing off the rest herself because she snapped. Otherwise, I had every reason to have a hard time getting through this in one sitting. In fact, I would pause it pretty often to play Puzzle Quest - that took me up through a 4am night.

The Departed - Nice stuff. It was pretty convoluted and I would probably benefit from watching it a second time. I wouldn't mind watching it again, but it lost my mom and we kept having to pause to get her up to speed. While watching I kept wondering how the hell you could do a sequel and the closest I could come was guessing that they'd combine the Departed series and the Bourne Identity series to get.. wait for it.. Bourne Irish. I was slightly disappointed to find that it's a remake of one movie from an asian trilogy. It remade the middle one, there will be a sequel involving Mark Wahlberg's character, and if that does well enough, they'll go ahead and remake the prequel.

Oh, I also repurchased Anchorman(sold at my last yard sale). There is some absolute genius in that movie, but it feels like it's padded out by too much nonsense. I consider Talladega Nights superior to Anchorman in that the whole movie is much smoother instead of leaving you waiting for the next blast of insanity. Also, the cougar gets me every time.

Current movies on hand - Moog, Inside Man, and Animal House(for teh edification of teh beta unit).

Next five in queue - Rope, Inconvenient Truth, Little Miss Sunshine, Finding Nemo(my students never believed I hadn't seen it), and Idiocracy.

Total movies in queue? 103.

I <3 Will Ferrell

I just have to say again that I really plan to see Blades of Glory ASAP. Or maybe I'll wait for Brew 'n View... Decisions, decisions..

Constant Gardener

Well, it took multiple nights, which is a bad sign for me watching movies on weeknights, but I finished Constant Gardener.

I'd have to say that overall I really liked this movie. It had a very strong Brazil vibe in the well meaning but oblivious and completely inoffensive Sam Lowry character completely falling for a strong minded activist that pokes the wrong giant in the eye. So it was funky seeing these characters pulled from 1984/Orwell type dystopia to African/Big Pharma dystopia..

The cinematography was great - this story was told in an interesting way and managed to use non-linear sequencing well. I really loathe when they can't tell something out of order properly. I'm interested in seeing City of God now, considering how well this director put things together. Perhaps I'll add it to the SuperQueue.

Last of all, I really love movies that don't have happy endings. It's a relief when I can slump down with the characters and empathize with their tiredness. The most recent other example of that was Children of Men - supremely good movie that left my physically exhausted at the end. I can't wait for that DVD to come out this Tuesday.

Overall - Constant Gardener 4/5

Up tonight - Inside Man, Descent(I can't resist the term 'spelunking horror'), and Jack Daniels

If only I were a little asian guy with insane upper body strength..

Then maybe I could be on this show.

All I have to say is that this show makes the American Gladiators look like palsied little paraplegics.

I had a dream.

I had a dream the other night where I was attending a reunion for my 8th grade class. The problem was that nobody could remember my name and I couldn't remember them. It turned out that I was Wolverine(an unknown past!), which explained not remembering them. Maybe they didn't think I was in their class because I was walking around selling them ice cream.

Mmm.. Addictive flash game.

I'd have to say Desktop Tower Defense is a pretty quality way to burn some time.

Note that I normally loathe flash games.

I feel like an idiot for not thinking of this.

How it should have ended - Lord of the Rings - would have been a lot shorter if they haven't walked the entire way..

They've written new endings for a ton of movies.

I get the feeling these are the same guys that do movies starring rabbits in 3 minutes.

GameznFlix

Cancelled my GamezNFlix subscription last night. I had one free month and one paid month from the service.

I have to say I was really dissatisfied with the service. It was 4 or 5 bucks cheaper than the other online rental places for 3 movies but it had the theoretical advantage of offering games as well. After having multiple evenings go down the drain from movies dying in the middle due to read errors I just wasn't going to take that crap anymore. Add to that the slow and unhelpful website and the 4 day turnaround time for getting new movies and they're fired. The games aspect of the service ended up as a bit of a wash because I just don't spend that much time playing games anymore. :-/

There's a reason the company's stock trades for $.0008 per share.

Don't try this at home.

I want to hang out with Steve Carell drunk.

Complete the series.

Elf -> 70s News Anchor -> NASCAR Driver -> Figure Skater?

I'm there.

Also, Jenna Fischer and Amy Poehler.

die luke die

I'm not that awesome.

Once I recalled this my loins became shrunken and frigid.

I'm awesome.

I feel an odd tingling in my loins that I beat EPA highway estimates on my trip this last weekend. THIRTY SIX POINT FIVE, BITCHES.

Courtesy of Lauren

5 most unintentionally funny albums of 2006

re: Mars Volta - "16-minute epics of squealing bullshit."
I vehemently concur on the shittiness of Mars Volta. I saw them open for System of a Down and I literally(not metaphorically or euphemistically) fell asleep.

re:DragonForce - This is what I want to blast from my car driving through Maywood. Just behind 8 bit covers of Kraftwerk

Memo to myself

Memo to myself - don't run the sprayers on your windshield with sunroof open.