Thirty something something.

Well, it's happened. I've gone beyond the veil. When I was young, I always felt like I was simultaneously existing as an older person - somewhere in my 20s. Then when I was in my 20s, I felt like I was simultaneously existing as that younger self. When I read Slaughterhouse Five I almost freaked out because that was exactly how my life felt.

The other simultanaiety that started when I was about five was with death. I suppose when I am dying I will feel that simultanaiety with every point in my life.. But it really has skewed my mental processes all my life - knowing innately that I am going to die and feeling like there is nothing on the other side.

So, out of those two dualities, one is apparently gone. It feels like I'm able to focus a little more on things. It IS the first days of the rest of my life. I work with people who have had twice as much life as I've even gotten past. I know I'm supposed to respect that, but after having conversations with them, I mostly feel more self-respect for what *I* know and am capable of. So that means that all the stuff I've accomplished in the last 30 years are a platform for getting a really solid 30-35 years of shit done. And I'll get to where these other people are and I'll feel even better.

I can finally get past the "I don't want to be where that guy is when *I* turn 30" fear. I don't live in my parents' basement. I have a degree. I have an awesome wife. Guess it's time to stop worrying about where I'll be at 30 and, once again, get shit done.

Perhaps I need that as a tattoo somewhere that I can see. Maybe on my knee, so it will remind me when I'm sitting on the can. "Get shit done." It?ll serve multiple purposes. Perhaps a test run with a Sharpie is a good idea, though.

On the theme of the big three-oh, I'm already testing my focus-ability. This week is reading week. I have the dining room set up as the reading room and that will be where my ass stays when I'm not working out. I have books on Creationism, financial planning, asset allocation, and the origin of Wolverine to get through. All enlightening, I can assure you. (you, meaning me, who is the one that reads this.)