I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
- Fran Lebowitz

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
- Ernest Hemingway

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.
- Hesketh Pearson

...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
- Jack Handey

In a mad world only the mad are sane.
- Akira Kurosawa

If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
- Emerson Pugh

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
- Larry Hardiman

I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
- Dana Carvey

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
- Dr. Seuss

A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
- Bob Edwards

All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
- Ernest Rutherford

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
- Jack London

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
- Don Marquis

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
- Lynda Barry

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
- Jimmy Buffett

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
- Kurt Vonnegut